Tails of the Chief Pretty Officer
"Hello, I am Roni. I am also a Boder Collie. At least Mumma thinks so, but mostly she says that I am a Good Girl Dog. Mumma took me with her on an avenchoor an sometimes I like it and sometimes I did not like it as much. Some of the things that I like are walks in the park, swims in my pool and chasing things that GO when I chase them and I love my parents and my home. And my bowl."
"Things that I hate are sky monsters and other things that make loud noises. Some nights stoopid people make loud noises for no reason that dogs can figure out. I hate UPS trucks. I hate UPS people because they steal our things well OK, they don't steal, they leave stuff. But I hate them. My brother hates them more. But I hate him sometimes too. His name is Sparky-Bones, but who cares? He is ugly and stoopid and he sleeps too much. He can write his own story."
"Here is my story of going with Mumma and Daddee to get our boat!"
April - getting ready "Daddee! I found the coolest best boyfriends on the web in the Bark Room when Mumma was doing something else, and they want me to come and visit, can I? They are soo cool! They are the Blues Brothers and they own the Parks! They have a boat and they name it 'Charbonneau' (pretty name) and they sail too! I think I love them, Daddee! They say they love me too! Both of them! But we need to sniff. I will show them how to chase frisbee!" "I am scared, well, not scared, but I am concerned. All the time. OK, sometimes I am asleep. And sometimes it is fun! Like when Mumma let me driveBut Daddee! I met Norm! He is the coolest, even cooler than the Blues Brothers! He is a Chesapeekinese Retriever he said, or something like that! He swims across the creek to work every day and he is so handsome - his Daddee is the boss of this place! I loved him right away, and he says he loves me too! Here is a picture of us"
"Mumma made me tunner fish sambitches for dinner. I think that was the best dinner I have ever had! Maybe though it was cream sammon or hambooger, or... But she shared some fritos and some salad too. Yum! Maybe the boat isn't so bad... Maybe... I don't know."
"Daddee!!! I cut my paw on something sharp and now it hurts to walk on the gravel! I look for grass and sometimes there is grass and it is cool and feels so good! I don't know what cut it but Mumma keeps messing with it and making me nervous with patches and bangleges and goo. Mumma says it will feel better but I don't know. OK, she is right it is better, but I could take off bangleges, but then it hurts."
"I was walking with Mumma and then comes two dogs helling it down the edge of the bay (oops, not allowed to say Hell). They are cute and so fun, big hound dog says he's smart and the other says he is stupid and that HE is the smart one! They like me and want me to romp with them but Mumma says, 'not this time'. Daddee, sometimes Mumma is stink. But the boy dogs they sniff good!."
"Daddee! Uncle Drew!!! They have squirrels here too! I found them and I chased and I jumped at them! They threw things at me, but they had to stay in the trees and a nice lady said that she didn't care if I catched them cause there are so many! Mumma let me race around and I guard the house here, they gave me a treat! I also guard against ducks and when I am done I can lay in the softest grass ever" "Daddee! They have a big field! It is soft and pretty and I play frisbee! Mumma makes me be wet after I say I am hot, but I don't care I even show her where the hose is. FRISBEE!!! Sometimes Mumma throws like a girl. but I get it anyway. I miss you Daddee!" "It is hot. Too hot for doggies. But Mumma makes it cool inside so I can go a-seep now... "Finally! All this wash-a-paws we have been on and only now Mumma lets me swim! She says the water is not great but that I need to swim. I am happy. Mostly. Sometimes. It is pretty here. I wait for dinner and hope for ducks "People say I am pretty. I know. Daddee tells me all the time, so does Mumma. I chase frisbee and people laugh! They laugh because they can't chase as well as I can. I like it here. Too far to walk though... Hot. I pant and I drink a lot." "I don't like this place too much. Funny places to walk - metal moving things on the dock that make me nervous. But Mumma says go and I go. Mumma would not hurt me. They don't have a good doggie park but Mumma found a place for frisbee but it was hot and a long walk and I got tired too fast. But I came back and Mumma makes me cool with stink hose thing! And I went inside and laid in front of the magic cool wind thing! We leave and I am glad, but I wonder when Mumma will take me home."
May 17th Ocean Marina - Portsmouth "FINALLY! We find a walk and it has GRASS! Soft and green and all for me and people love me and they clap when I chase frisbee! Mumma says she wonders if the motel people will come out and chase us away, but Mumma is strong and she would bite them. I love to chase and it is not as hot and I am happy because we walk a long ways and I am on ground and it is... I miss home, Daddee. I want my bowl and my bed and my Daddee and my... Daddee I know that it is stoopid but I miss Sparky Bones too. Well, OK, not really, but some, but he still stinks. Maybe Mumma will stop being lost and we can find home soon..." "This is a long day and I am hot and I sit inside because it is so hot. I sleep a lot because I am so hot. Mumma says 'Roni! Come out and see!' and I do, but I don't see anything so I go back in. I sleep. It is hot. Mumma brings me a drink and I drink, but I am still hot."
"BUT THEN!!!! We stop and there is this great big giant wall that I may have to jump up, but then the wall gets short and Mumma calls it a lock or something, but then there is a field and I can run! I can go pee and I can say Hi to everyone! Everybody loves me! I went on another boat! Mumma yelled at me and said no, but I thought you might be there Daddee! You weren't but it was fun and they loved me and said that I could come on their boat anytime!"
"Then we go again, but I want to stop and go home... I sleep and I stay inside. I am scared that Mumma is lost" "Mumma is stoopid. She does not even try to go home, there are lots of cars, I show her, and there are roads and she doesn't get in the cars and she doesn't like to walk on the roads, but I do. I try to get into cars so that I can come and see you Daddee. See Uncle Drew and even see Sparkle-Bones, who stinks. I tried to walk on a road but Mumma said "NO!" and she made me come back and she put my leash on and said that I could not run away. Daddee. I would not run away, I would come home!"
"I am ascared and Mumma is crazy. I love her but I can't look at her anymore and I don't want to be close to her because she is crazy. I want to come home Daddee...."
May 19th - Trip Home for Roni "BUT THEN! Mumma got better and we get in a car with someone I don't know and we get in another car just us, and I get to stretch on the whole backseat and I don't want to ever get out! Not until I get home, Daddee! So I stay in the car and Mumma brings things to put in the car but then she makes me get out, but I don't want to, not even to pee... But then finally we go. She is very lost though and it takes a long time, we sleep in another strange place that stinks. But I love Mumma and I am close to her and look at her all the time. "
"There are lots of places that I can sniff and play in and lots of grass! But I am afraid that Mumma will not find the way. But then I sniff! And I smell HOME! I smell all the smells I know and I am happy! I wag and I try to wiggle hard but there isn't a lot of room. It takes a lot time from when I sniff home but... Then we are in the driveway and Mumma says to settle down, and take my tay out of her nose and quit trying to drive and then you are there and I am..... Happy!"
May 27th - Leander, Texas "Daddee. I am scared! Mumma is gone again and will get lost. We need to go to the airport - you can always find her there - and find her soon, OK, Daddee? "
"Maybe someday we can ride on a boat again and it will be fun and it will be all of us and then we can come home. Daddee, I just need to know that I will come home!"
"Uncle Drew says that all of the good things that have happened in my life have happened at home. He is wise."